This Is For The Woman Who Keeps On Forgiving.

Written by Someone Else.. but Feel like sharing on my Blog.

For so long you’ve defined yourself as the woman who cares, the woman who puts others first, the woman who ‘fixes’ people, who loves with all she has and is constantly guided by her big heart. You’ve been conditioned that to get through pain and to keep relationships and people happy, you must be willing to forgive mistakes, let the past go, and love without conditions. You’ve been wrapped in unhealthy connections for so long, you’ve allowed others to walk all over you in the name of love.

But in the back of your mind, you know better.

In the back of your mind, you know you’re being taken advantage of. You know that sometimes people hurt you simply because you allow them to, because you give them infinite opportunities to start over, and to hurt you again.

You know that your heart has been given to the wrong people, simply because time and time again, they’ve shown you that you’re not a priority. Yet, you struggle to detach because you’ve forgiven that person so many times, what’s one more? ‘They’ll change this time’—haven’t you told yourself that line before?

But forgiving someone who has no desire to change or to love you the way you need to be loved is not healthy. Being in a relationship with someone whose behavior, decisions, or actions continually bring you unhappiness and harm is abuse, not love.

You’ve lived the better half of your life putting others before yourself. When someone pushed you down, you forgave them, without question. When your significant other cheated, you gave him another chance. When someone walked out of your life, then later wanted to return, you opened the door.

And first, you must know that this isn’t necessarily bad, it’s just not healthy. Not when the behavior continually repeats itself. And not when there’s no true remorse or amends made to fix your broken heart.

You are the woman who forgives, who loves, who cares unconditionally. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact, your forgiving heart is beautiful. But you must also protect yourself, too.

There comes a time when your selflessness, when your second and third and fifteenth chances are only burdening you and breaking you down. There comes a time when the love you give is not inspiring someone to improve their own heart; it is simply enabling them to continue to hurt you.

And you don’t deserve that pain.

The world looks at women like you with disgust sometimes. People shake their heads, judge from the outside looking in and say that a woman who forgives her man for leaving, who cares for a backstabbing friend, or who takes back a bad boyfriend is weak.

You are not weak, though. You are strong for letting go of pain, strong for loving people despite their mistakes, strong for giving people chances, strong for knowing that we are all imperfect and sometimes we mess up.

Where you lose your strength is not in the act of forgiving, but when forgiveness comes without change. When you let someone in who isn’t truly sorry for breaking your heart. When you allow someone another chance who does not deserve it because he/she doesn’t really care, or has every intention to hurt you again.

And in these moments of realization—when you’re standing in front of the mirror, looking into your teary eyes, when you see a shady text message on his phone, when you catch someone lying behind your back, or when you know, beyond a doubt, that things won’t change—that’s when you must have the courage to forgive and to leave.

Sometimes people can’t love you the way you love them.

And sometimes you forgive people who might not deserve it. That’s no reflection on you. You just have to learn to take better care of your heart. You just have to understand that you are not a weak, pathetic person, but a strong one who needs to know her worth.

Don’t change who you are or the way you love, but do start giving chances to the right people. Start putting energy into relationships that build you and significant others who see the wonderful person you are and won’t fall short of giving you the love you deserve.

Start putting yourself first, and forgiving your own heart for the way you’ve let it be trampled upon by people who didn’t have your best interests in mind. Start learning that it’s okay to forgive people, but not okay to let them hurt you, over and over again.

Start loving yourself with the same tenacity and capacity you keep giving to everyone else.

 

 

 

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Losing Virginity is not only an Action but a Feeling too….

I don’t technically know when I lost my virginity.

And honestly? I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Was it at sixteen, the first time that I got naked with a guy? Was it a year later, with my first real boyfriend, both of us tangled in the sheets and consumed with both exhilaration and confusion? Does an emotional connection at the time count? Does it not? Does it count if I still had my bra on? Does it count if I didn’t do the same things to him as he did to me? What if there were toys? What if there was nothing but skin on skin?

These are the questions that come to my mind when I think about the so-called Holy Grail of sexual milestones, aka losing your virginity. The whole phrase in general is perplexing to me.

Virginity is, in all reality, an idea.

It’s intangible; so how can one “lose” it? Folks seem to generally agree that the process involves the first time that there is vaginal penetration with a penis (sorry for using the word penetration). Traditionally, there is supposed to be blood, but there isn’t always. Traditionally, it’s also supposed to be painful for a girl, but that isn’t always true, either. So what does all this mean for someone like me?

It completely invalidates my sexual experiences to label me as a virgin unless there’s been a penis present inside my body.

Does that mean I could sleep with a thousand men and still qualify as a virgin? What an asinine thought. It also insults and devalues my sense of self to label me as a non-sexual being until this arbitrary act occurs. My sexual status does not depend on a penis. I don’t need to have had sex with a man to become a woman, or to feel sexually powerful, and the idea that I do is harmful.

We also tend to place way too much importance and judgment on this singular event. Sleepovers with teenage girlfriends always include the question, “So, when did you lose your virginity?” The answer to that question decides so many things. If you “lost it” at fifteen, you’re a slut, and if you haven’t experienced that moment yet at twenty-one, you’re marked as frigid. There are so many other shades to sexual experiences, and so many other ways to discover and grow in your own sexuality, without demoting the entire process to a single event that, in one fell swoop, decides your entire future and reputation.

I decided on my own that I would choose the experience that I wanted to define as “losing my virginity.” But for me, that doesn’t have anything to do with the first time that a penis entered the vagina. I decided that an emotional connection did matter to me. I decided that what made the moment most significant for me was the overwhelming urge to bare all of myself, body and soul, to another person. It was the moment that I had no questions or concerns, the moment where the most important thing in the world was to connect as closely as I possibly could to the person in front of me. There was no fear, and no hesitation. It was a moment of complete trust, and it was blissfully simple because at the core of everything was just the feeling that I would surely implode without their touch. I lost myself in that moment, and I simultaneously saw myself.

That’s the moment I choose—the moment that changed me, and defined a vital part of who I am.

I think that choice is everyone’s right, and if that means you choosing a more traditional view of losing your virginity, that’s totally fine, too. But don’t feel that that moment has to define you if it wasn’t what you wanted it to be. Some girls remember their first time as painful, or even unwanted, but feel that they still have to label that experience as the one where they lost their virginity because of the more technical aspects of the phrase. I disagree. The moment doesn’t have to be perfect, but it should be special.

It’s your body, and your right to choose the experiences that help define who you are.

International Women’s Day – Be Bold For Change’

On March 8 every year, International Women’s Day is celebrated to felicitate women and their achievements. Women have come a long way in their struggle for equality, but there is still a long distance to cover. This year, the theme for Women’s Day is Be Bold For Change.‘ And to encourage women to be bolder, stronger and more powerful in all spheres of life, we have 15 inspiring Women’s Day quotes. These powerful statements, made by women and for women, will inspire you to celebrate women in all their glory. Have a look:

1. “A feminist is anyone who recognises the equality and full humanity of women and men.” – Gloria Steinem

2. “I raise up my voice—not so I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard…we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.” ―Malala Yousafzai

3. “In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” – Margaret Thatcher

4. “For I conclude that the enemy is not lipstick, but guilt itself; we deserve lipstick, if we want it, AND free speech; we deserve to be sexual AND serious – or whatever we please. We are entitled to wear cowboy boots to our own revolution.” -Naomi Wolf

5. “At the end of the day, don’t forget that you are a person, don’t forget you are a mother, don’t forget you are a wife, don’t forget you are a daughter.” – Indra Nooyi

6. “The education and empowerment of women throughout the world cannot fail to result in a more caring, tolerant, just and peaceful life for all.” -Aung San Suu Kyi

7. “Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.” – Ellen DeGeneres

8. “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re weak because you’re a woman.” –  Mary Kom

9. “Women need to be empowered through the strongest tool – education. They don’t need to be subservient to anyone, but at the same time, men must change their mindset towards women. If they are more respectful towards them, then things will change at the grassroots level. It will happen slowly, but everyone has to move together.” – Madhuri Dixit

10. “There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.” – Michelle Obama

11. “Girls should never be afraid to be smart.” – Emma Watson

12. “In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders.” – Sheryl Sandberg

13. “There is only ONE sign that a woman wants to have sex and that is that she says YES.” – Deepika Padukone

14. “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” – Irina Dunn

15. ” I think think woman can do anything! she just need to believe herself.” – Elvira Meliksetyan

Azaadiyan

khud ke liye aazaadiyan dhundne nikle hain,
lakin jana kin raston pe hai ye pata hi nahi,

khud ke nishan chodna chahte hain har kadam ke sath,
lekin pehla kadam kahan rakhein ye khabar hi nahi,

manzilon pe aakar aksar jawaab de jate hain hauslein,
lekin khud se bekhabar itne hain ki manzilon ka pata hi nahi,

ragon mein lahoo daudta hai apna roshni bankar,
lekin phir bhi andheron se kyun darte hain pata hi nahi,

har zameen har aasmaan pe naam ho humara aisi khawaish hai,
lekin kis zameen kis aasmaan ke sath rahte hain ye khabar hi nahi,

poochta hai koi pata mere ghar to keh dete hain beghar hain hum to,
jab pura mulk hi apna ghar hai to har ghar ka pata dena sahi to nahi,

ranjishein iss dil ki har kisi se rahti hain,
lekin un ranzishon mein har kisi ka khoon baha de ye sahi to nahi,

mana kisi se khoon ka rishta nahi apna,
lekin un rishton ki khatir khoon baha dena gunaah to nahi,

kuch kadmon ki aahat se darr jate hain gharonde sapnon ke,
lekin uss darr ko hata ke sapne dekhna koi gunaah to nahi,

kisi se gila nahi shikwa nahi na hi nafrat kiya karte hain,
mohabbat mein jiya karte hain mohabbat mein mara karte hain
By, Dikshit

We’re all stories in the end!!

I came across this quote yesterday when I was just surfing on the web before going to sleep “We’re all stories in the end. And since then I couldn’t restrict myself thinking about it. It’s one of the best thought i came across ever; more you think about it deeper you will dive in truth of life. Trust me!

I don’t know who wrote it, but this one liner carries a vast meaning indeed meaning of life. Have you ever thought why we are doing what we are doing?? What is the intention behind every activity that we are doing?? For whom we are doing all this; leaving our family, settling somewhere else away from family, struggling of existence, creating our own identity and then again struggling to maintain that identity. Complaining, fighting, and worrying about every other thing. Why?? After pondering about all these things there comes second phase of life…Finding our partner, make sure he/she will remains happy, looking after family, doing all sort of things that will insure happiness of your loved ones. And after that…
After that one fine day you turn in to a story!! Yes, there is nothing but this and only this “Universal Truth”. Someday or other we will be counted as stories. Now it’s up to us how to make that story worth reading. If you did all those aspects mentioned in above para then sorry your story is just as boring as others; because 9 outta 10 are doing same. That’s not life or in other words that’s not how we supposed to live life. There are pleasures almost all of us ignore during course of life; we tend to give more importance to “some perishable” things which actually aren’t worth of.

Real pleasure doesn’t lies in things which costs more or which comes with attractive package indeed real pleasure of life is enjoying every bit of what creator has created for us. Sit with small kids and be one of them, surprise your partner often with that will really make him/her jump, go on unplanned outing, help old people, donate for needy people, take your parents for dinner to their favorite place, find out time to play hide and seek, open your wardrobe and look out for school time stuff. Do something for others, get associated with some NGO not full time but part time at least. Party hard when it’s due like you never gonna have party for the same reason. Every small thing that brings smile on your face deserves celebration.

Do not leave anything behind that will make you feel “wish I could have done this”. There is no meaning in dreaming about climbing hill when you are bedridden. It’s really doesn’t make sense in thinking “I will do it tomorrow” because there is no tomorrow…what we have is today!! Love it Live it!! After all this, just wanted to say that if someone happens to read your story then make sure that they read from page first till page last nonstop!! Make your story worth reading.

Nice lines 🙂 I remember few beautifully written lines from the book ‘The Perks of being a Wallflower’, quoting the same:

“I don’t know if I will have the time to write anymore letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. So if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me. Even if you didn’t know what I was talking about or know someone who has gone through it, you made me not feel alone. Because I know there are people who say all these things don’t happen. And there are people who forget what it’s like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite”

By, Dikshit

I Wish You Enough …..

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter’s departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said: “I love you and I wish you enough.”

The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?”

“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said. When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”

She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.

“When we said ‘I wish you enough’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”. Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,
“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.”
She then began to cry and walked away.

Nurture Relationships…..As they say….It takes a minute to find a special person ~ An hour to appreciate them ~ A day to love them ~ And then an entire life to forget them.

By, Dikshit