She Left U But She Still Love you!!!

Never question that she loved you. Because she did. But she knew that if she stayed with you, she would never be able to spread out her own wings. And she knew if she stayed, she would eventually resent you.

It’s not because she didn’t adore you. But it’s because she didn’t picture a future with you and she needed to be free. Free from your love. Free from the ties. Free from the ropes that bound her.

She needed to run from the life she knew that does not have any future. She needed to run not because she had to, but because she wanted to.

She didn’t do it out of hatred or out of spite. She didn’t do it out of selfishness. She did it, because she wanted to live the best life that she possibly could. And she couldn’t do that by staying with you.

Don’t think that it wasn’t hard for her. Don’t think that it wasn’t heartbreaking to her. Because her heart broke especially when she had to walk away from you.

But as hard as it was to leave you, she knew it was the best decision she could ever make. For herself. Not for you.

The time spend with you, she was comfortable. She was content. She was happy. But she needed much more than that. She needed your caring, your unconditional love, your commitment, your emotional touch and importantly your name after her.

She is the type of girl to run after what she wants in life which is exactly what she did with you. But she did for the sanity of her soul, for the pounding of her heart, for the oxygen in her lungs. To lift that weight off. The weight of her loves, her spaces and herself.

She needed to leave you because she needed to change herself. Not for you. Not for her parents not for her friends. But for her.

She had to leave you in order to be a happier person. Because with you, she was on the ground. But alone? But after leaving you she can finally fly. And she can soar without being afraid of falling.

By – Dikshit

apart-love-me-amp-you-miss-Favim.com-634653

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Parents!!!!

Sharing this beautiful poem that connects with each one of us – at some point in our life…!!!

देखते ही देखते जवान,*माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते हैं.. 

सुबह की सैर में,u कभी चक्कर खा जाते है,
सारे मौहल्ले को पता है, पर हमसे छुपाते है...
दिन प्रतिदिन अपनी, खुराक घटाते हैं,
और तबियत ठीक होने की, बात फ़ोन पे बताते है...
ढीली हो गए कपड़ों, को टाइट करवाते है,

देखते ही देखते जवान, *माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते हैं...!
 
किसी के देहांत की खबर, सुन कर घबराते है,
और अपने परहेजों की, संख्या बढ़ाते है,
हमारे मोटापे पे, हिदायतों के ढेर लगाते है, 
"रोज की वर्जिश" के, फायदे गिनाते है,
‘तंदुरुस्ती हज़ार नियामत', हर दफे बताते है,

देखते ही देखते जवान, *माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते हैं.. 
 
हर साल बड़े शौक से, अपने बैंक जाते है, 
अपने जिन्दा होने का, सबूत देकर हर्षाते है...
जरा सी बढी पेंशन पर, फूले नहीं समाते है, 
और FIXED DEPOSIT, रिन्ऊ करते जाते है...
खुद के लिए नहीं, हमारे लिए ही बचाते है,

देखते ही देखते जवान,*माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते हैं...

चीज़ें रख के अब, अक्सर भूल जाते है, 
फिर उन्हें ढूँढने में, सारा घर सर पे उठाते है...
और एक दूसरे को, बात बात में हड़काते है, 
पर एक दूजे से अलग, भी नहीं रह पाते है...
एक ही किस्से को, बार बार दोहराते है,

देखते ही देखते जवान,*माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते हैं...

चश्में से भी अब, ठीक से नहीं देख पाते है, 
बीमारी में दवा लेने में, नखरे दिखाते है...
एलोपैथी के बहुत सारे, साइड इफ़ेक्ट बताते है, 
और होमियोपैथी/आयुर्वेदिक की ही रट लगाते है..
ज़रूरी ऑपरेशन को भी, और आगे टलवाते है. 

देखते ही देखते जवान*माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते हैं.. 

उड़द की दाल अब, नहीं पचा पाते है, 
लौकी तुरई और धुली मूंगदाल, ही अधिकतर खाते है, 
दांतों में अटके खाने को, तिली से खुजलाते हैं, 
पर डेंटिस्ट के पास, जाने से कतराते हैं,
"काम चल तो रहा है", की ही धुन लगाते है..

देखते ही देखते जवान,*माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते हैं.. 
 
हर त्यौहार पर हमारे, आने की बाट देखते है, 
अपने पुराने घर को, नई दुल्हन सा चमकाते है..
हमारी पसंदीदा चीजों के, ढेर लगाते है,
हर छोटी बड़ी फरमाईश, पूरी करने के लिए,
माँ रसोई और पापा बाजार, दौडे चले जाते है..
पोते-पोतियों से मिलने को, कितने आंसू टपकाते है.. 

देखते ही देखते जवान,*माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते है...
देखते ही देखते जवान, *माँ-बाप* बूढ़े हो जाते है...

Parents are precious in my life that words can't describe....

Dost

Is jahaan mein

MuhJe sabse jyada barosa hai toh tumpe dost…

Sabse jyada pyaar hai to wo hai tumse dost…

Sabse jyada pass hoon to sirf tujse dost….

Ae dost tu na hota toh mera kya hota

 

Magar ae dost

Mujse kabhi juda na hona…

Mujse kabhi khafa na hona…

Mujse hamesha wafa karna

Ae dost tu na hota toh mera kya hota

 

Chahe jitni bhi galti karoon…

Muhje maaf kar dena…

Na mujse door hona…

Kabhi na mera saath chodna

Tere bina mera jeevan

Jaise dil bina dhadkan

Ae dost tu na hota toh mera kya hota

 

Tu meri shaans hai…

Mere sine ki dhadkan hai…

Mere nerve mein behta hua khoon hai…

Ae dost tu na hota toh mera kya hota

 

Mere har sukh ka bhagidaar hai tu…

Mere har dukh ka sathidaar hai tu….

Meri khushi ka eshaas hai tu…

Mere ghum ka raaz hai tu….

Har tute hue rishtey ka sila hua tar hai tu…

Ae dost tu na hota toh mera kya hota

 

Chahe suraj na chade…

Chahe chand na aaye…

Jabi mein pukaru…

subah ya raat…

Sirf dost tu chala aajaye…

Ae dost tu na hota toh mera kya hota

 

By, Dikshit

 

 

Can I come along?

Can I come along?

Mother: Which movie?

Daughter: You wont be knowing Maa.

Mother: Hero and heroine?

Daughter: New faces Maa……You wont be knowing.

Mother: Ohh, what’s the story?

Daughter: From what I have understood, its a romantic movie…you know, College romance and all that….Rest, I’ll be able to tell you after having seen the full movie. Now dont ask so many questions Maa….You are distracting me….I’ve got to get ready…..Aarti, Pooja, Riya….they’ll be waiting for me at the multiplex. You know, I’ve achieved the distinction of being a late- comer amongst my circle of friends.

Mother: You know Mimi….I was thinking….Why dont we go together to the theatre sometimes? Like you and me…..You know, its been ages since I’ve watched a movie at a theatre…..In earlier times, we used to go together….You, Vikas and me….. .With your elder brother away, I have only your company to fall back upon……

Daughter: Maa…..pass me the comb please…..How are these earrings ? Look. Fine na?

Mother: Here, take your comb. Ahhh……these earrings are looking so pretty on you.

Daughter: You were saying something? Sorry….my mind was somewhere else.

Mother: Happens.

Daughter: Tell na.

Mother: Just saying, both of us should watch a movie together…..Its been quite a while….Might not look like it, but, with nobody around, I too get bored. Vikas left for higher studies….Your dad left us long time back….and you hardly stay at home…..

Daughter: You want me to stay at home? So that you dont feel lonely? How is that even possible Maa?

Mother: What is so spectacularly odd about my proposition? Spend more time with me, not with your silly friends…..They’ve got nothing else to do except for feeding your brain with regular updates on their turbulent love lives….

Daughter: Please say something which makes sense…No offense, but you seem to be losing your mind. You seek company…..yet you have never been able to maintain cordial relationship with anyone in our neighbourhood. You cant sit through those gossip sessions…..but women your age, rather housewives your age, who have got no substantial work to do…who have performed, to a considerable degree of satisfaction, their household duties, end up becoming members of these adda groups…..You cant seem to bring your esteemed self to do that….How do you expect to escape the boredom of mundane life if you, so steadfastly, shun the company of such ladies….I cant stop hanging out with my friends to give you company….At best, I can ask them to come over to our place…..

Mother: Yes, I do shun the company of all those people who indulge in mindless gossip…. I cannot seem to derive any pleasure out of it…..You know that. You can go wherever you want to go….spend time with friends….as much time as you want….You are young, enjoy this time girl……I do understand…its not always possible to give your parents company….We’ve got to get used to solitude, once we’ve done our “duty” of raising our kids….

Meanwhile, the daughter got herself busy checking messages on her cellphone.

Daughter: What ?What did you say?

Mother: What? Ohh…nothing dear….You must have missed out on what I said just now…right? Well, I dont blame you, poor child….One must attend to Watsapp messages before paying heed to what an old woman says…..Why listen to such incessant rantings of a bored “housewife” who’s done “no substantial work” to validate her worth….You are getting late….Must leave now…

Daughter: Drama queen you are!!! Since when have you become interested in watching teenage romantic flicks? There would be a young crowd over there….People your age, in all probability, wont be interested in watching that movie…You might feel awkward Maa. Watch movies that suit your age and temperament.

Mother: I’ve always been interested in movies…..But you wont be knowing since you’ve never bothered to ask if I would be interested in coming along. Also my dear, I wont be embarrassed. But you, for sure, will be. Anyways….You must leave now. Its late already.

Daughter: Ohh, yaa…..I mean, isn’t that obvious? Just imagine, you and I at the ticket counter…..And what if, I encounter a friend, or a friend’s relative, or a relative’s friend or any of Dada’s friends or Dada’s friends’ relatives…you know, the possibilities are endless……You understand..right? They would laugh at us……You know how my friends would be stating my misery…..”How unfortunate!!! For lack of a boyfriend, she’s brought her Mom along to watch a movie such as this….how pathetic her life has become!!! Or else they’d say…”Poor lonely girl!! No friend to accompany her. Hence her Mom”….Maa, they wont spare you either…you would be laughed at, for being stupid enough to come to watch a movie that, as per their assumption, you wont be able to relate to…given your age and serious disposition. It would pain me no end to bear witness to such ridicule.

Mother: Now, who’s behaving like a Drama Queen? Me or You? Just a movie…..why such a big fuss?? In any case, I care nothing about the opinion of strangers…..They look at you for a brief while, no more than a few seconds and then quickly move on to the next object that catches their fancy…..I do not feel threatened, much less intimidated by what those strangers think of me….Their opinion, good or bad, is of no relevance to me. Young people have got very short attention span. They are busy enough not to waste their time on meaningless stuffs. Care I don’t, but for all I know, you care….I wonder why…. Anyways, let’s put an end to this topic. Enough said already.

Daughter: I am not going….it’s already quite late. I missed out, all because of you and your whimsical ways!!! You are mean, so very mean!!!

Mother: I am sorry dear…..didn’t intend to ruin your day!! Okay, listen. Let us both have lunch together…..at any restaurant of your choice. Treat from my end….what say?

Daughter: Ma….Why are you being so persistent? Something’s amiss!! I mean…..there’s something else on you mind…..right? Your behavior seems a little out of place…..What’s wrong? Tell me.

The mother turned her face away from the girl. She didn’t utter a word, just kept staring at the calendar hung on the wall.

Mother: Today is?

Daughter: What?

Mother: What is the date today?

Daughter: 15th November. Why? What happened?

Mother: And when are you leaving for Bangalore?

Daughter: 30th November.

Mother: Aahh….a fortnight.

Daughter: I guess, we were talking about something else….the movies and all…..Now, you are diverting the topic.

Mother: Not diverting…rather, giving you subtle hints…as to why I am behaving the way I am behaving. It’s not about the movies dear…..it never was, in the first place. I want to spend time with you….before you leave. I want you to plan your weekends with me…..I want to go out with you, have fun with you……I don’t want to regret not spending enough time with my little girl before she leaves. I want you to prioritize me over your friends…Yes, I do demand that. All five days of Durga Puja…you chose to hang out with your infinite friends from school, college, tuition, office….I’ve lost count of how many “close” friends you actually have…..On each of those five days, I had been alone. Yes, I’d get all decked up and sit, all by myself, at our neighborhood Puja pandal. Of course, you didn’t notice…..You didn’t have time to spare, “booked” as you were from Sashthi to Navami….only being kind enough to oblige me with your precious time on Ashtami morning……I too wanted to roam about the streets with my little girl for company…I had made such extensive plans this year….wanted to go pandal-hopping, covering all of North Calcutta and then South…..Yet I had to remain content staring at the pictures of those Puja pandals, that my sensible girl had so diligently clicked on her cell-phone for her mother to see….Even then, most were those silly selfies of yours and your friends. Only a handful of pictures of the Goddess!!

Daughter: So what are you so upset about? That I didn’t click enough pictures of the Goddess??

Mother: There.. You see…..Mimi, the problem is……..You never care, you never notice!! For your friends, you have all the time in the world. For your friends, you are all ears……you are at your caring best. You rush to them if they are in pain. What makes you so indifferent to your own mother’s agony? I guess, after putting on the pretense of being nice to everyone all day long, you decide to pull off that mask when at home…Well, of course…..Your mom doesn’t need to be impressed. She can see right through your pretensions…..So you can afford to be your real self here. This is home, after all.

For a few seconds, the daughter was dumbfounded. Her face turned red, her eyes moist. She struggled to speak…Just one word kept playing out in loop…”Pretension”……How she could say that!!

Daughter: You…..You….You are a miserable, spiteful woman!!! So much malice inside…ehh??

Mother: I won’t say anything to contradict your opinion about me. But it’s not malice, my dear. Its pain. The pain of being overlooked every single time. I seek company…your company. I may not be a cool person to hang out with…..but I could have tried had you shown some interest in taking me along.

Silence ensured for a minute or so.

Daughter: Hangout with people you age, old lady!!! You know, I don’t even repent calling you “an old lady”. Truth is told, you are, indeed, old. Too old to be my friend. Too old and troublesome a person to have fun with….to watch a movie with….to hang out with.

Then she stopped…realizing she had said more than was necessary. She didn’t mean to hurt her mother….but somehow, words kept flowing and she couldn’t reign them in….There was an awful silence for some time…..Sometimes, silence stings more than words ever can..She was expecting her mother to react in an extreme manner…..maybe; she would be rewarded with a mighty slap for her misbehavior…..”Maa is going to shout her lungs out, the drama has just begun…Now, she’ll stop talking, stop eating…..and lock herself up in her room” concluded the girl. But her mother was too exhausted to “react”. She broke down…She was inconsolable. She covered her face with the end of her sari. Those tears had long been overdue….she’d suppressed her thoughts, her emotions for so long…..Today, her forbearance gave away……She felt a deep urge to let it all come out…..The pain…the angst….the agony…the fury…everything. Her shrill cries gradually pierced the grim air the mother did pretend hard not to care….But how could she not care? It was not a random stranger, but her own daughter…her own Mimi…who had been audacious enough, rather insensitive enough to utter those words, those vicious words!!! How could she remain indifferent, when someone her own inflicted pain on her.

She rushed out of the room. While leaving, she managed to set her eyes on the small mirror fixed on the wall right above the wash basin. She stopped, walked towards the mirror. Arranged her fast diminishing hair in a loose bun. Wiped those tears away from her large, beautiful eyes. “Am I really that old??….So old that Mimi feels ashamed to take me along??” she wondered to herself.

Tears might have been wiped away…but those weary eyes were still moist. But, no worries…They would soon regain their former composure. Nobody would ever know what had transpired between the daughter and her “old” mother. Nobody would know how an innocuous wish expressed by the mother had created a giant rift between two people who doted on each other. Or maybe, something had been brewing all along. You know, some people can’t take to separation too kindly….Loneliness, rather, the thought of impending loneliness had been weighing down her spirits……To add to her suffering, the daughter, engrossed as she was in her own life, didn’t seem to notice the gradual degradation in her mother’s behavior ever since she got the news of her daughter leaving. She had never been alone. The very thought of walking about the 3BHK apartment with not a soul to talk to, save the foul-mouthed maid, gave her sleepless nights. How would she get accustomed to her daughter’s absence?

Loneliness is a terrible, terrible wretch….Whoever says, solitude is bliss, should be thrown off the Howrah Bridge……How it could be bliss!! It’s never too easy to get accustomed to not having your closest people around at the dinner table….She imagined how difficult would it be to gulp down her meal….Bland food to give you strength to live through an equally bland, monotonous life.

The little girl was going to live on her own, manage things on her own. You know, right from the ration to the laundry, cooking, paying bills on time, looking for a domestic help, bargaining with the grocers, ensuring her own safety…..what if some ruffians made an attempt to barge into her apartment on a false pretext, with some nefarious intentions in mind… Who would the little girl turn to in a new city? She wouldn’t be able to help. Sometimes, she felt helpless…..the old woman tried to train her mind to sweep these negative thoughts under the carpet the next time they reared their ugly heads. She was concerned. She was scared to lose her little girl…she was scared that the girl who would come home after a year, would not be the same person. She would be someone else. Agreed…More worldly-wise, more mature…..But somehow not the girl who had grown up under her guidance…..She often wondered, if Mimi would even bother to share her troubles with her mother once she moved to a new city, Or would she find a way to deal with life on her own. Would she still ask for her advice before taking some kind of life-altering decision? Vikas never called to seek advice….he called to inform…..The decisions were all his own. Mimi would soon follow her brother’s footsteps.

The truth was, Vikas had changed and so would Mimi. Time for her to change as well. Time for her to accept life as it was….Time for her to stop questioning, to stop controlling the lives of her grown-up kids…

She’d decided that day , she’d never ask her daughter if she could come along….She didn’t want to accompany the girl anywhere…..She didn’t want to ever step foot inside a theatre…the very thought of it made her burst into tears…..”I’ll never, ever watch a movie!! I hate movies!!” mumbled the old woman, while preparing tea for Mimi’s friends. Yes, they too had cancelled the movie plan…..deciding to “have a blast” at Mimi’s place instead…..They were, indeed, having a blast. As for the mother, well, some things are better left unsaid.

BY, Dikshit

Rishte…(Relationship)

Rishte…

Lines from me about relationships in this modern world…Just few observations

Rishto ki uljhan me uljhate se rishte…
Khushiyon ke bich me sisakate se rishte…
Lagta to aisa hai ki kuchh hua hi nahi,
par Thandi aankhon me sulagte se rishte..
Rishto ki uljhan me….

Aaj ki is bheed bhari si zindagi me,
Aaj ki is sar chadhi si zindagi me,
Waqt hi nahi hai humein hamaro ke liye,
Tut gaye woh bikharate se rishte….
Rishto ki uljhan me….

Ehsaas ka ek lamha qaafi nahi tha shayad,
Maut ka ek mazma qaafi nahi tha shayad,
Janazo ki sej pe sajaya hai bade pyaar se,
Zakhmo ke dard me bilakhate se rishte….
Rishto ki uljhan me….

Dosh nahi hai unka jo haath chhod gaye hai,
Dosh nahi hai unka jo munh hi mod gaye hai,
Hawaye hi kuchh aisi chal rahi hai is daur me,
Hansi thitholi ke bich tadapte se rishte…
Rishto ki uljhan me….

Shaq ke daayro se qatal hote hai ab,
Chhoti se baato se zakhma hote hai ab,
Par zindagi ke rukna to mumkin hi nahi hai,
Qirdaaro se sachchaayi baratate se se rishte…
Rishto ki uljhan me….

Hairat ki baat ye nahi ki jazbaat muqammal nahi hai,
Hairat ki baat ye nahi ki haalat muqammal nahi hai,
Bharose ki parte khaal si udhad jaati hai,
Koshisho ki kamiyon se guzarate se rishte…
Rishto ki uljhan me….

By, Dikshit

Poison In Mind…

Long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.
In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all.
Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting.
But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish.
All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.
Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”
Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.
He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious.
Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body.
Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.
Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her.
Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”
Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law.
She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.
Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset.
She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter.
She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find.
Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again.
She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother.
I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about.
I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health.
The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”

Moral :

Make a conscious choice to see the good qualities of the person in relationships , act it out, if necessary and gradually and surely let time heal relationships…
Let’s start making amends.
To parents
To siblings
To friends
And many more.

No one has a promised tomorrow. Have a wonderful Life with no regrets!

By – Dikshit

 

Before Its Too Late…!!!

The hospital was unusually quiet that bleak January evening, quiet and still like the air before a storm. I stood in the nurses’ station on the seventh floor and glanced at the clock.

It was 9 P.M. I threw a stethoscope around my neck and headed for room 712, last room on the hall. Room 712 had a new patient. Mr. Williams. A man all alone. A man strangely silent about his family.

As I entered the room, Mr. Williams looked up eagerly, but drooped his eyes when he saw it was only me, his nurse. I pressed the stethoscope over his chest and listened. Strong, slow, even beating. Just what I wanted to hear. There seemed little indication he had suffered a slight heart attack a few hours earlier.

He looked up from his starched white bed. “Nurse, would you – “He hesitated, tears filling his eyes. Once before he had started to ask me a question, but changed his mind. I touched his hand, waiting. He brushed away a tear. “Would you call my daughter? Tell her I’ve had a heart attack. A slight one. You see, I live alone and she is the only family I have.”

His respiration suddenly speeded up. I turned his nasal oxygen up to eight liters a minute. “Of course I’ll call her,” I said, studying his face. He gripped the sheets and pulled himself forward, his face tense with urgency. “Will you call her right away – as soon as you can?”

He was breathing fast – too fast. “I’ll call her the very first thing,” I said, patting his shoulder. I flipped off the light. He closed his eyes, such young blue eyes in his 50 – year – old face. Room 712 was dark except for a faint night light under the sink. Oxygen gurgled in the green tubes above his bed. Reluctant to leave, I moved through the shadowy silence to the window. The panes were cold. Below a foggy mist curled through the hospital parking lot.

“Nurse,” he called, “could you get me a pencil and paper?” I dug a scrap of yellow paper and a pen from my pocket and set it on the bedside table. I walked back to the nurses’ station and sat in a squeaky swivel chair by the phone. Mr. Williams’s daughter was listed on his chart as the next of kin. I got her number from information and dialed.

Her soft voice answered. “Janie, this is Sue Kidd, a registered nurse at the hospital. I’m calling about your father. He was admitted tonight with a slight heart attack and ” “No!” she screamed into the phone, startling me. “He’s not dying is he ?”

“His condition is stable at the moment,” I said, trying hard to sound convincing. Silence. I bit my lip. “You must not let him die!” she said. Her voice was so utterly compelling that my hand trembled on the phone. “He is getting the very best care.”

“But you don’t understand,” she pleaded. “My daddy and I haven’t spoken. On my 21st birthday, we had a fight over my boyfriend. I ran out of the house. I-I haven’t been back. All these months I’ve wanted to go to him for forgiveness. The last thing I said to him was, ‘I hate you.”

Her voice cracked and I heard her heave great agonizing sobs. I sat, listening, tears burning my eyes. A father and a daughter, so lost to each other. Then I was thinking of my own father, many miles away. It has been so long since I had said, “I love you.”

As Janie struggled to control her tears, I breathed a prayer. “Please God, let this daughter find forgiveness.” “I’m coming. Now! I’ll be there in 30 minutes,” she said.

Click. She had hung up. I tried to busy myself with a stack of charts on the desk. I couldn’t concentrate. Room 712; I knew I had to get back to 712.

I hurried down the hall nearly in a run. I opened the door. Mr. Williams lay unmoving. I reached for his pulse. There was none. “Code 99, Room 712. Code 99. Stat.” The alert was shooting through the hospital within seconds after I called the switchboard through the intercom by the bed. Mr. Williams had a cardiac arrest. With lightning speed I leveled the bed and bent over his mouth, breathing air into his lungs (twice). I positioned my hands over his chest and compressed. One, two, three. I tried to count.

At fifteen I moved back to his mouth and breathed as deeply as I could. Where was help? Again I compressed and breathed, Compressed and . He could not die! “O God,” I prayed. “His daughter is coming! Don’t let it end this way.”

The door burst open. Doctors and nurses poured into the room pushing emergency equipment. A doctor took over the manual compression of the heart. A tube was inserted through his mouth as an airway. Nurses plunged syringes of medicine into the intravenous tubing. I connected the heart monitor. Nothing. Not a beat.

My own heart pounded. “God, don’t let it end like this. Not in bitterness and hatred. His daughter is coming. Let her find peace.”

“Stand back,” cried a doctor. I handed him the paddles for the electrical shock to the heart. He placed them on Mr. Williams’s chest. Over and over we tried. But nothing. No response. Mr. Williams was dead. A nurse unplugged the oxygen. The gurgling stopped. One by one they left, grim and silent.

How could this happen? How? I stood by his bed, stunned. A cold wind rattled the window, pelting the panes with snow. Outside -everywhere – seemed a bed of blackness, cold and dark. How could I face his daughter?

When I left the room, I saw her against a wall by a water fountain. A doctor who had been inside 712 only moments before stood at her side, talking to her, gripping her elbow. Then he moved on, leaving her slumped against the wall. Such pathetic hurt reflected from her face. Such wounded eyes. She knew.

The doctor had told her that her father was gone. I took her hand and led her into the nurses’ lounge. We sat on little green stools, neither saying a word. She stared straight ahead at a pharmaceutical calendar, glass-faced, almost breakable-looking.

“Janie, I’m so, so sorry,” I said. It was pitifully inadequate. “I never hated him, you know. I loved him,” she said. God, please help her, I thought. Suddenly she whirled toward me. “I want to see him.”

My first thought was, Why put yourself through more pain? Seeing him will only make it worse. But I got up and wrapped my arm around her. We walked slowly down the corridor to 712. Outside the door I squeezed her hand, wishing she would change her mind about going inside. She pushed open the door.

We moved to the bed, huddled together, taking small steps in unison. Janie leaned over the bed and buried her face in the sheets. I tried not to look at her at this sad, sad good-bye. I backed against the bedside table. My hand fell upon a scrap of yellow paper. I picked it up. It read:

My dearest Janie,

I forgive you. I pray you will also forgive me. I know that you love me.

I love you too,
Daddy

The note was shaking in my hands as I thrust it toward Janie. She read it once. Then twice. Her tormented face grew radiant. Peace began to glisten in her eyes. She hugged the scrap of paper to her breast.

“Thank You, God,” I whispered, looking up at the window. A few crystal stars blinked through the blackness. A snowflake hit the window and melted away, gone forever. Life seemed as fragile as a snowflake on the window. But thank You, God, that relationships, sometimes fragile as snowflakes, can be mended together again – but there is not a moment to spare.

I crept from the room and hurried to the phone. I would call my father. I would say, “I love you.”

Note: . I think it would be a wonderful idea for each of us to take a minute of our busy day and tell people that are special to us that we love them….before it’s too late! Don’t you

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Dedicated to all my dearest and nearest people…

Love u all,

Dikshit